Civil ceremony invitations: what to send and when
A civil ceremony brings a problem printed invitations handle badly: the room holds twenty and the party holds a hundred. That means two different invitations, and the wording is what stops anyone feeling second-class.
Two invitations, not one with an asterisk
Send the ceremony guests an invitation to the ceremony and the party. Send everyone else an invitation to the party. Do not send one invitation that mentions a ceremony most recipients are not invited to — that is how the asterisk gets read as a ranking.
A digital invitation makes this straightforward, because the two versions cost the same as one and nobody is comparing card stock.
Wording for the ceremony invitation
"Emma and Thomas invite you to their marriage at Bath Register Office on Friday 12 September at 11am, with lunch to follow at Hillside Barn." Numbers are usually restricted by the room, so it is worth adding "we are limited to twenty seats" — it explains the guest list before anyone wonders.
Say what happens between the ceremony and the party. A gap of three hours with nothing said about it is the detail guests most often ask about afterwards.
Wording for the party invitation
Be plain that the ceremony has already happened, and warm about it: "We are getting married at the register office in the morning, just the two of us and our parents — and we would love you to join us in the afternoon to celebrate."
Guests take their cue from your tone. Couples who sound apologetic about a small ceremony create awkwardness that was not there; couples who state it as the plan get a room full of people who are simply pleased to be at the party.
- Ceremony invitation: time, register office, seat limit, what follows
- Party invitation: the afternoon or evening, stated warmly, no apology
- Both: the same reply form, so your headcount is one list
Timing
Register offices and town halls are often booked months ahead, and the slot is fixed before anything else. Once you have it, the ceremony guests can be told immediately — the list is small enough to telephone.
The party invitation follows the normal timeline: six to eight weeks, longer if people are travelling.
Frequently asked
Do we have to invite ceremony guests to the party?
Yes. The reverse works — party-only guests are entirely normal — but inviting someone to the legal ceremony and not to the celebration afterwards reads as a mistake.
Can we send the same invitation to everyone and let people work it out?
It is the most common cause of hurt feelings in this situation. Two clearly worded invitations take an extra ten minutes and remove the problem.